i want to releaese a real CD...

... but I worry that if I do, if I take the freakin' 1 grand to make a CD myself, that no one would buy it. I worry that no one would really show up to my CD release party, that I'd have this room full of CDs (which I already have from my past record label releases) that no one would buy. I love my music, and I get really annoyed that I feel this way about it. I get down because there's only so much I can do on stage, I'm one guy, and I don't have the ability to do a bazillion things on stage, but then I get upstaged by bands like RAP, I suppose because I don't play the keyboard enough, even though I'm always running loops, doing vocals, etc. etc., which I don't really see anyone else doing live electro doing, but I fucking swear, getting people into just dancing is sometimes such a fucking trial, I mean, what do I have to do? Do I need to jump up and down whilst on fire on stage?

A specific moment sticks out in my head from one of my last live outings, which is that afterwards I walked around with CD's and stickers litterally just giving them away, or trying to. I got nothing out, because everyone I walked up to said, "no, I don't want any stickers or CD's". WTF? THEY'RE FREE. Wow.

See, and the thing is, it doesn't make me lose faith in my music. I make good music, and if anyone doesn't think so, suck my fucking ass. BUT, it does make me feel really annoyed with our scene. What, I need to some fucking showoff fucktard using stupid tricks on stage to get people to fucking take my fucking free CD's?

I dunno. It just annoys me, and it makes me feel like if I do release a CD, no one's gonna bother giving me $7 for it, don't even add onto that that everyone gets their fucking music from myspace and limewire. I guess I'm just one of those old fashioned fucks that still remembers that if you support a band, they keep making good music. If you don't, they go away, or they go get straigt jobs and forget about their music entirely.

Well, not me. I won't do that. But I will approach releasing a CD with apprehension.